The things I would tell a younger me

• Don’t start smoking . . It may seem like everyone else is doing it but smoking will stay with you longer than most of those people.
• Be yourself . . I wasn’t happy with who I was until I reached my 30s, it wasn’t too late but I could have been happier earlier.
• Not everything your parents tell you is true . . They want the best for you but sometimes their opinion can make your playground smaller.
• Be respectful of others feelings . . Everyone has a personal battle and some of your actions can affect others in ways you couldn’t imagine.
• Appreciate the people close to you . . One day they won’t be there anymore and the things unsaid will haunt you.
• If you believe in something, fight for it . . If you let it slip through your fingers then chances are you didn’t care about it that much.
• ‘There’s always tomorrow’. . In most cases that’s bullshit, you’ll only keep putting it off, get it done!
• Learn to agree to disagree as early as possible . . Everyone has a different opinion on things, most aren’t worth falling out over.
• Some days you’ll feel like you’re alone, you’re not. . Talk to someone, open up and trust people. Your pride can take the day off.
• Stop shaving . . You look much better with a beard. Stop complaining about the itchy stage, man the fuck up.
• Don’t fear doctors and dentists. . They’re here to help you (and make you skint). Your health should be a main priority.
• Don’t be negative . . Stay away from negative people and energy, that shit is incredibly  contagious. Don’t be part of the chain!
• Drugs . . Do what you have to do, just be safe. Don’t be peer pressured into taking anything you’re not sure about. You can easily find yourself in a black hole that will chew you up and spit you out.
• Learn a new language, or musical instrument . . You will try to learn both later in life and find them both near impossible.
• Never think any idea is too big. . If you want it, go for it. If you fail then at least you have tried, that’s better than most. Shoot for the stars!
• Nothing good comes easy. . If you want something to work then you have to be willing to roll your sleeves up and work for it.
• Balance your work and personal life. . There is a fine line between the two and it can tip either way. Do you work to live? Or live to work?
• Be polite. . Just because a lot of people around you have no manners, doesn’t mean that you should act the same way. Two wrongs do not make a right.
• When your Grandma is ill, go see her more often. . Say the things you want to say, hold her hand, tell her you love her. Saying it to a hole in the floor isn’t quite the same.
• Research tattooists properly. . Have a good look around before you settle on a tattooist or you’ll find out halfway through your second tattoo that the tattooist line work is a little off because he has a glass eye!
• Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. . Or you’ll find that the people who befriend you or fall in love with you don’t actually know you. Don’t lie to them and don’t lie to yourself.
• Girls that like bad boys. . Don’t even bother! You might have your father’s mind and mouth but you have your mother’s heart and emotion. You will never fall under the ‘badboy’ category.  
• Don’t get too involved in others bullshit. . Be supportive but be careful or their bullshit will eventually become your bullshit. You have enough weight on your shoulders, you don’t need theirs as well.
• And finally. . Believe in yourself. Don’t put yourself down, there’s plenty of other people out there that will do that for you! Be kind to yourself, and for god sake smile more.    

Bricks and Mortar

Dear you,

The reflection of the mirror never pays you justice. I sit there and watch as you get ready, knowing that you just can’t be replicated. Like that of a picture, beautiful, but never able to compete with the real spectacle. The glow, the desire, the overall being. I don’t know if this is real, so many questions. But none important enough to stop me admiring your presence. Believing in the tomorrow, the stars may not be aligned, but I’m working on that. I’ll roll my sleeves up and build the ideal setting. I’ll dig the tunnel, fix the bridge, pull your boat ashore. We are the river, not the drift wood. I’m not one for coasting, as long as I have strength, I’ll hold you high because I want to show you the sights. I have no interest in being your history, your regret, your once was. There’s no future in that, directionally driven and I wasn’t built with a reverse gear. Not born for games, the only match I’m looking for is one you can ignite, hold it under my heart so you can see me for who I am. In fear of the burn, but not enough to stop me from playing with fire. ‘Home is where your heart is’ they say, and I want you to be my bricks and mortar. Like a kite on a windy day, letting you down isn’t an option. We may dip, a little sway here and there, but there’s always the strength to bloom in the sky.
Because of you, I know that romance isn’t dead.

Me

Mirror

Pale, the curving contours causing shadows and dull patches. Coloured spheres darting back and forth with a similar rhythm to a pendulum on an old washed out piano. A surface that has seen many elements, masked, but only a prevention from age, there’s no cure as the time passes away. Weathered, yet attractive. Like pebbles skimmed across the surface, leaving ripples and wrinkles of life, but unlike water, the wrinkles become more apparent with no signs of fading or drifting away. With each cycle of the sun, the lines hold firm and claim their place. Each passing he notices something different, a soft façade capable of love and emotion, but sometimes riddled with exhaustion and anguish. Depending on his frame of mind he sees beauty, positivity bringing on the attractive glow. Knowing that negativity will only swallow up the good and drag the insecurities to the surface, only for him to see but is believed all will bear witness. A state of vanity that’s stoked like coals in a raging fire, he knows that growing old gracefully is the only option. Most days he knows what he sees, but on the odd occasion he doesn’t recognise what’s before him, what looks back at him each and every day. He knows it better than most, the shape, the strengths, the weaknesses, but there are days, days that just leave him to question. Today isn’t one of those days, he might be looking older, worn, weathered, with dashes of silver, but that is what’s looking back at him. The mirror doesn’t lie, but the mind does.

When was the last time you complimented someone?

I’m no stranger to the occasional passing comment about the way I look, or especially the way I dress. When I say a ‘passing comment’, I don’t mean a compliment. It’s funny how people mainly voice their opinion when it’s negative, is this who we’re becoming? When was the last time you gave someone a compliment? It’s amazing how far a few nice words can go, can change someones view on the whole day.
I remember quite a few years ago, I was sat on a bus and noticed that someone had scribbled ‘You are beautiful’ on the back of the seat in front of me. The words looked worn, old, but they still held the strength of the day they were first written. These words were obviously penned for someone in mind, I hope they got them. It was strange, but those words made me smile. I know they weren’t written for me, and that wasn’t the point, it was the fact someone had written those words to make someone feel beautiful. It’s amazing how a couple of words can cause such an uplift. From that day forth, I made it a conscience effort to compliment, whether it was written, or verbally. To my loved ones, or even strangers that I have a conversation with. Something so small, yet something so powerful. Obviously there are boundaries with this, you can’t just walk up to a complete stranger and tell them they have a cracking arse! If you could, we’d all be doing it. Don’t forget that the main point of giving a compliment is to mean it, don’t just say it if you think it’s going to get you brownie points or it means nothing! A compliment should never be fuelled by personal gain.
It’s no secret to anyone who knows me well, I read a lot of books. What isn’t well known is that once I’m finished with them, before I take a select few to the charity shop I write a little motivational note in the front, such as ‘Today is your day’, ‘Smile’ or like the one that made me smile on the bus ‘You are beautiful’.
The importance behind this is how powerful words can be, something so simple, can mean something so amazing. But it can work both ways, words can also be painful, and vicious, so watch your tongue!
If you always have a negative opinion, you’ll only ever see negative results . . . I think it’s about time you went out and complimented someone.

That’s You . .

Pinch me because you must be my day dream, a glint in my eye, a reason to bring my dimples to the surface, that’s just you.
A completely refreshing change, wind through my hair, a hot water bottle on a winters morning, that’s all you.
A good surprise, a reason for goosebumps, a breeze on a summers day. You’re a knot in my stomach, that’s you.
The first warmth of a sunrise, an uncomfortable blush, my umbrella on a wet winters day, a good nights sleep, It must be you.
The first cup of tea in the morning, a cloudless starry night, a long warm shower, a compliment, that’s you.
A heartbeat in my throat, a prickling under my skin, one of those good thoughts to get you through the day, all you.
A gentle fear, a blooming confidence, the cause of my hair to stand on end, a reason to get carried away, to say yes, always has something to do with you.
A flirtatious smile from across the room, that moment of uncontrollable passion, the scratches across my back, that’s all you.
A moment to repair, a reason to sometimes hold my tongue with others, the occasional anger and suspense, that quiet moment, that can be you.
The unbearable frustration, the abrupt shouting followed by tearful apologies, the waltzing in, and the storming out, that could be you.
The cold feet on my legs, the contagious smile, my motivation to do things right, a reason to forget the bad things. You hold my positivity in your palms, be careful with it, because that’s you.

Maybe I Was Wrong?

I have never been a big believer on how a New Year can bring you a better
day, to draw a line in the sand, a fresh start if you must. The
countdown and cheers that come from your current location in a room full of
people with the utmost belief that tomorrow will be different, be
better. You won’t hear me say this often, but, maybe I was wrong?

I’m still sceptical on ‘New year, new you’ but I will say that there are
advantages for the 1st January being your starting point, It’s got to
work better than, say, 1st May, right? One thing I do believe in, your
next trip around the sun won’t be any better than the last if you’re not
willing to do anything about it. For sure, we’re all going to
experience a melancholy month or two, but that’s down to your frame of
mind.

As my dad is known to say ‘it’s not about the situation,
it’s how you deal with the situation that counts’. My dad has always
been optimistic, and I am my fathers son. Yeah, I’ve had some shitty
months, we all have, but we’ve all had some fucking amazing months too,
however we as humans are prone to forget them when feeling a little lost. If you’ve
ever met someone that states they’re happy everyday of the year, punch
that smug fucker in the throat before they string you another line,
steal your wallet and try the horizontal dance with your partner.
They’re not just lying to you, but also lying to themselves.

We all know that time is a healer, whether you like, or hate that phrase,
it’s true. It will never look at the problem, wipe its brow, breathe in
through its teeth and silently work out how much it can swindle you for.
It will never give up depending on the magnitude of the problem, time
will always be standing in your corner with your spit bucket and mouth
guard. There will always be tomorrow . . . And if there isn’t, well, you
might have a bigger issue to deal with than a cheating partner, not
having enough money to go to the sugar hut dressed like a cunt, or
finding your job as monotonous as Kim Kardashian.
This year will be amazing! That’s not because it’s another fresh start, or because
your mate believes it will be and so should you, nor even because it
couldn’t get any worse than last year.

It will be amazing because you’re going to get up and do something about it, it’s in your hands to make that statement your reality.

Dreams are meant to be made a size too big, it’s so you can grow into them.

This is me . . . . . .

If I were to say I was lost that wouldn’t be the whole truth, only because I don’t really know where I’m heading. The only things I do know are how I feel at the time you ask me. I have no shame to admit I wear my heart on my sleeve but the cuff is becoming worn from where I chew from nerves. I find quality in most people I know, if I didn’t then I would have probably already forgotten your name. I’m an entertainer but I’m quiet to start while I suss you out, I’ll give you creases down your spine while I read you, watch you and understand you. I’ll listen to you, take what you have to say in and process it in the way I must. I have a weakness in strength which will always be my hold up; I’m a sucker for the story of a broken wing in this life. If I can help you I will be at the front of the queue, I’ll hold the map and point for your satisfaction. I’m patient but I have my odd days where you are just not quick enough for me. I am successful, powerful and creative but I’m floating around in a world where that isn’t needed. I have great taste in women but sometimes they leave a bitter taste on my tongue, I can love you for ten minutes or ten years. I’m a work horse that’s looking for more weight on my shoulders, I’ll do it for me, you, them but they will never appreciate only dictate. I communicate, delegate, I try not to be early when I fornicate. I don’t smile a lot, not because I’m unhappy but because that’s how my face is. I laugh, cry, sulk, cheer and enjoy you in every way that I can. I am only human but I will always expect more from myself because that’s up to me, I expect the worst but enjoy the best. This is me . . . . . .