Mitchell's Mustard Blog

July 1, 2015

Mirror

Filed under: A Little Something — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 7:58 pm

Pale, the curving contours causing shadows and dull patches. Coloured spheres darting back and forth with a similar rhythm to a pendulum on an old washed out piano. A surface that has seen many elements, masked, but only a prevention from age, there’s no cure as the time passes away. Weathered, yet attractive. Like pebbles skimmed across the surface, leaving ripples and wrinkles of life, but unlike water, the wrinkles become more apparent with no signs of fading or drifting away. With each cycle of the sun, the lines hold firm and claim their place. Each passing he notices something different, a soft façade capable of love and emotion, but sometimes riddled with exhaustion and anguish. Depending on his frame of mind he sees beauty, positivity bringing on the attractive glow. Knowing that negativity will only swallow up the good and drag the insecurities to the surface, only for him to see but is believed all will bear witness. A state of vanity that’s stoked like coals in a raging fire, he knows that growing old gracefully is the only option. Most days he knows what he sees, but on the odd occasion he doesn’t recognise what’s before him, what looks back at him each and every day. He knows it better than most, the shape, the strengths, the weaknesses, but there are days, days that just leave him to question. Today isn’t one of those days, he might be looking older, worn, weathered, with dashes of silver, but that is what’s looking back at him. The mirror doesn’t lie, but the mind does.

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May 5, 2015

My conscience breeze

Filed under: Just a Thought — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 5:17 pm

You come and go like a strong breeze. When you come around, I have to hold onto my wits before they wisp away like everything else in your path. I’m headstrong, yet emotionally bind. Grab my boots and take me for a stroll, to hear you whistle around my ears keeps me from a silent surrender. Feeling your weight against mine, pulling me to-and-fro, close to the edge, back into the safety of your whirling grip, and then out again. Unstable and second guessing the next move, keeps me alive, awake, able, able to get my ducks in a row under the strong breeze. It’s not an easy task, but practice makes perfect. My conscience breeze keeps me on my toes, builds me up so it can ground me once again. Years of war, to become an unlikely alliance. Pulling at my puppet strings, like a kite, battling against all odds, don’t give up, don’t let go, because, you can’t trust a silent conscience breeze.

March 7, 2015

A Smudge of the Retina.

Filed under: A Little Something — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 1:20 pm

A refreshing beauty, standing alone in a crowd, for all that surrounds is just a smudge of the retina. All just blending into nothingness, the air around, beaming ripples like a pebble in water. An oxygen pulse that pushes it’s own boundaries, to leave a state of breathlessness like a heavy side wind. A smile that cures any moment of insecurity, whipping that moment of existence into the mother of all storms, a storm that won’t settle until you part ways once again, and you’re left with the craving of destruction. Eyes that hold the appeal of a sunset over this city, will always stop you in your tracks to admire. A beauty that takes you away from a feeling of worry, to think, to see, to realise that you have a moment, a moment to exhale and believe, a figure that can mesmerise and hold your attention, to cause all that you shade your eyes from, it all just slowly becomes a smudge of the retina. And in the blink of an eye, this moment passes, just like this encounter. No recollection of time, it’s not needed, time will only ever be a hindrance, until you’re counting down the hours again.

February 10, 2015

Milestone

After just ending a phone call to my mother, wishing her and my father a happy 42nd wedding anniversary, I had asked her how they had managed 42 years? She had simply replied, “you work hard, and you make sure you laugh a lot”. With deep honesty, I hope I hit that milestone, but, this had got me thinking.

Do we work hard enough at our relationships? Or do we sometimes find that we simply quit at the first hurdle because we’ve forgotten what pulled us together in the first place?

Temptation is on every corner, on every page, there to shake you awake every morning. It has become part of our everyday life, but we all know that the grass isn’t always that much greener once you cross that bridge. In bad times, I think you have to sit back, look at your partner and remind yourself of the things that you cherish about your relationship. You’ve worked to get to where you are today, is it worth giving up, or are you afraid of a little hard work?
I can’t help but think that the problems we all have in our relationships are made by a lack of honesty, it can only be as complicated as we make it, right? Obviously, not all relationships are meant to work, but can you walk away knowing that you tried? None of us go into a relationship thinking that it isn’t going to work . . . What caused that first ignition of passion? What ties you together?
Yeah, I know it’s easy for me to put a couple of words on a page to try and sum up relationships, I know all relationships are different due to different circumstances . . But, the one thing that ties them all together, they all start the same . . . with two people attracted to each other, willing to push all boundaries to make it work.
I’ve walked away from a relationship without a second thought, and I know that I’ve also been on the receiving end of that too. The older I’ve become, I’ve realised that I could have tried harder.

If you’re in the midst, or you’ve just managed to shake off a nutter, then please ignore all of the above. We’ve all been there, good luck with that.

As I said, I hope I hit that milestone. Sometimes it seems a little doubtful . . . But, that won’t stop me from trying!

February 4, 2015

The Grand Misconception.

Filed under: A Little Something — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 5:49 pm

Ladies, there is, and probably always will be an unwritten rule – a man never chooses a woman, he can only show you that his interest and availability is there, and as much as most of us men would hate to admit it, the decision generally falls onto your lap. But with that, that doesn’t mean that the effort should only lay claim to the male. We all know that the instruction manual for the opposite sex will never be published in our lifetime, if I took a guess, the author is probably battling their sixth divorce and feeling quite like a fraud.
There is a grand misconception that us men do not discuss our likes, wants, and dislikes between each other, well, we do. Whether it’s in the gym changing room, the pub, or even a chance meeting in the magazine aisle in Tesco. We talk about you. From the women that have crossed our path, or the ones that are yet to do so. I’m not talking about the childlike ‘I’d do her!’ comment from the prepubescent jock, I mean the conversations that happen between like minded, early thirty somethings that have slayed their man mountain ego through their twenties and have come out the other side as a gent.
I thought I’d take this opportunity to give you a heads up, I’m not taking sides, I’m not selling out, just giving you something to think about.

We’re not as shallow as you think we are. Bold statement, I know. Nothing ever just comes down to looks. Yes, the way you look will always be our first impression, but if we’ve made that effort to open a conversation with you, that means we want to know who you are. Please don’t ever think that the way you look on that particular evening holds precedence over confidence and the ability to hold a good conversation. It’s always nice to have someone attractive on your arm but if your social skills are as strong as a chocolate teapot . . you’ll only ever be an attractive someone on the arm, nothing more. We want to be able to take you to a friend’s wedding and be in sound mind that if we nip to the mens room, or the bar, we don’t have to rush back to our ‘rabbit in headlights’ plus one.
If we’re dating you, amongst other things, we’re attracted to the way you look, so easy on the make up please, love. We all love a woman who takes care of her appearance, but there is a thick line between looking good, and looking like Boy George, yet you sometimes still try to cross it. Waking up next to your natural self, shows that you are confident around us, your confidence gives us confidence. . . . We want to get to know all of you, and we won’t judge. Please don’t misconstrue the point I’m trying to make, I’m not saying don’t wear any make up, as I said before, we all love a woman who takes care of her appearance. I’m saying, the less make up, the better. And don’t be coy about us seeing you without.
A high majority of us men find women that train attractive, whether you’re the woman in the gym on the cross trainer in the morning, or out pounding the pavement at night. Yes, you might be all red faced and sweaty, to us, we see the confidence, the discipline, the motivation to get up and make that personal effort to better yourself, or to keep in shape. This shows us that you are willing to go out and put effort behind making a difference, and while having that attitude with training, in most cases means that you also have that attitude with all aspects of your life. Next time he asks you to train together, run together, go to a class together, don’t over think it. Just do it. He’s not going to think about your level of fitness, whether you look red and out of breath. He just wants to share that motivation with you.
If you’re on a night out with the girls, on a work lunch, or just popping to the shops, and you see someone who interests you, don’t wait for them to come and chat you up, act on it. There’s a chance they haven’t spotted you so don’t automatically think they’re not interested. That confidence will speak volumes. We are the same as you, we all fear rejection, we all have our own insecurities, and because of this we all have missed opportunities. The fact that you have approached us is attractive in itself. The idea that a woman should never approach a man is outdated. Also, if you are approached by someone and you’re not interested, don’t be a dick about it. Just think of the courage that person has had to build just to come over and talk. Put yourself in their shoes. Being polite costs you nothing.

Above all, just be yourself. You don’t want someone to fall for the person you’re trying to be. We’re pretty simple beings, be honest, be open, and if you have any sense . . never sleep on an argument, a man full of doubts is a dangerous man.

January 28, 2015

Am I Manly Enough?

Filed under: Just a Thought — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 6:16 pm

Am I manly enough? This question has been on my mind in recent months, in this modern day, what falls under the category of a manly man? And does it really matter?

I was born in the early 80’s, experienced many things I shouldn’t have in the 90’s, when television, rock music, and drugs were better, not forgetting, back then, a man was manly.
From an early age, I had never been interested in tinkering around with an engine, building things just to destroy them once finished. I never had the aggressive devil may care attitude. I was always more worried about the people around me, kept myself to myself, I had no intention of being the toughest person in the room, I still don’t. I like to think of myself as a modern gentleman, which I’m quite happy with, but does this cause me to be less manly? Is the definition of a manly man becoming extinct?

Growing up side by side with my brother, who in my eyes is a manly man, a mechanic by trade, married with four beautiful children. Nothing seems to phase him, from one issue to another, I’ve only ever seen anger, I can’t actually think of a time I’ve seen him worried or scared, in the 32 years I’ve been blessed to know him, I’ve only seen him cry once. Everything about him is manly, his posture, the way he communicates, his appearance.
Where as I’m on the other end of the scale, I’m the creative type, the thinker. I’m in touch with my emotions, but don’t let this deceive you into thinking that I’m the kind of person who will cry at the end of an Eastenders Christmas special. When I say I’m in touch with my emotions, I mean that I have no problem feeling worried, loved, fear, or sadness. I don’t always express it well, but I will sometimes let that emotion engulf my existence for a while rather than sweep it under the carpet for a rainy day.
I take care in my appearance, I would rather think about what I’m going to wear before I get dressed, rather than just throw on the nearest t-shirt after sniffing the armpits. I use skin products, I moisturise, exfoliate, because I believe the older I get, I should look after my skin. I have no issue with going clothes shopping, whether for myself or with a girlfriend, I’m completely comfortable in that environment due to it being part of my profession. Having quite a few female friends means that I find myself in a lot of female company, which in turn gives me confidence around women. I don’t have aggressive mannerisms, and I’m comfortable with that, but I’m not in fear of being aggressive if I need to. I find beauty in the simple things around me rather than be oblivious to them but that comes with having a creative mind.

Does a woman prefer a manly man, or a modern gentleman? Do women occasionally want to see the emotional side to their partner? And does it lead to more trust or less attraction?

I’m not your average manly man, but does this make me any less of a man, or does it just mean I’m a modern gentleman?

June 29, 2014

We Will Never Change

Filed under: A Little Something — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 2:29 pm

Do I help you pass the time,
and fill the gaps you made,
extinguish the loneliness,
help build a bridge a day.
We will never change.
My insecurities believe,
I’m only a passing whim,
distracting your mind,
just while you wait for the next best thing.

Lying, and crying,
you will never change,
bad nights, and fights,
I will never change,
my fears, and your tears,
It will never change,
we will never change.

A huge space to fill,
becoming like a stone in my shoe,
the bad things we put each other through,
we could both name a few.
We will never change.
Treading on eggshells,
when seen together,
you shrug and smile,
I’m at the end of my tether.

Lying, and crying,
you will never change,
bad nights, and fights,
I will never change,
my fears, and your tears,
It will never change,
we will never change.

You need more of me,
I think of you less,
a corner is turned,
we’re rolling down from the crest.
We will never change.
Back to square one,
We’ve been here before,
we break up, then make up,
but we know what’s in store.
We will never change.

You will never change,
and I will never change.

January 13, 2013

Scrap Yard

Filed under: Just a Thought — Tags: , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 7:20 pm

He paced through the scrap yard, once beautiful and blossoming but now dark and derelict.  The sun rays choked by the rising dust and fog of past laughter, Leaving foot prints in the damaged and discarded only to be blown away like that of their plans. As far as the eye can see the wreckage surrounded their peak summit, wiping the dust from his eyes he tried to forget the restricting ties around his tongue. Speechless, strong, yet still alone. Struggling to see ten feet in front yet his past is as clear as ever, turning around would mean giving up, surely? Without words he told himself that this is the right thing to do, she isn’t here to reassure. She isn’t here to see the wolves at his heels, the world he once knew picked apart by insecurities. Once a picture but now fallen from the frame, dizzy like a flame dancing in the breeze.  The burning urge to take the weight from his feet was overruled by pride, fear of being on his knees whilst his hands gripped the ash from the floor. He can see it, feel it, taste it but won’t bring himself to that level. Battered and bruised by the elements of his stubbornness, taking weight on his shoulder like an unnecessary punishment. He could talk and confide but loose lips sink ships, he was already sinking. The pain and anger was his spirit to push on, to rebuild the foundations and work up. The further he walked through the scrap yard the less his feet dragged, the ash and dust seemed to clear and he could feel the sun rays on his face. Day by day he told himself.                

May 6, 2012

He said, She said

Filed under: Just a Thought — Tags: , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 4:53 pm

There comes a time when her smile won’t be enough,

Apologise don’t hold any weight,

Too many times he’s been left in the cold,

Maybe this time she was just a little too late.

Feeling no hand of reassurance,

Only the frustration of doubt,

He knew she had the best intentions,

But only she knew the amount.

Burns on his knuckles from the torch he held,

Held only in her direction,

Her smiles that masked the truth,

In hiding with her deepest contemplation.

 

She never knew, never understood, only because she didn’t stop to listen.

He never got it, never got her, always felt like something was missing.

She never opened up, never let go, his thoughts of walking the other way.

A second chance is never off the cards, if only one wished for the other to stay.

 

February 10, 2012

I am never going to be perfect

Filed under: A Little Something — Tags: , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 7:51 pm

I am never going to be perfect

I take my socks off at night because I like the feel of carpet on my feet,

I brush my hand through my hair to keep it from going in my eyes,

I twist the ring on my finger because I feel nervous,

I listen to heavy rock music but I’m not angry at my dad,

I don’t drink a lot of alcohol because once I start I won’t stop,

I don’t smoke because I’m going through a fitness phase,

I moisturise because I want to look after my skin,

I smile at women in the street because I like to see them smile back,

I pull the collar up on my coat as my scarf doesn’t quite do the job,

I don’t wet shave so I don’t look 10 years younger,

I listen to my iPod when I walk because I like music not because I’m anti social,

I don’t find myself attracted to blonde women as much as I do brunette,

I have lied to get myself out of trouble but who hasn’t,

I read as I find it more entertaining than television,

I don’t eat breakfast even though it’s the most important meal of the day or so they say,

I want to give everyone advice but I can’t take my own,

I spend more time worrying than I do achieving,

I enjoy catching up with old friends but I dislike talking about what I’ve been up to,

I give money to charity every month but it never feels like enough,

I get angry but I haven’t got a violent bone in my body,

I read people before I interact,

I blush if you put me on the spot,

I don’t care what anyone things of me 50% of the time,

I think arguments are healthy but petty arguments annoying,

I refuse to open up to just anyone,

I think I’m fair but I know I’m stubborn,

I like tomatoes but not keen on tomato sauce,

I am not stupid but I talk a lot of shit,

I will never give up pushing you if I believe in you,

I will always believe there is good in everyone until proven different,

I like to feel scared as it makes me feel alive,

I will only ever be perfect in my parents eyes,

I am only human.

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