Mitchell's Mustard Blog

February 9, 2015

So, you think you know retail?

Filed under: A Little Something — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — mitchellsmustard @ 9:49 pm

For my sins, I’ve worked in retail for over a decade and a half. Working in a customer facing role such as retail, you get to see some sights, asked some stupid questions, and generally put up with some absolute bullshit. But, you also get to meet some amazing people, have some of the strangest conversations, and laugh till it hurts. The good outweighs the bad, tenfold. Otherwise I wouldn’t still be doing it. But no one really wants to hear about the good stuff, do they?!

People seem to lose all common sense while out shopping, you wouldn’t believe how true this comment is, really!! I’ll give you a couple of examples. . .
When it’s raining, rather than get wet, people decide to stand in the doorway waiting for the rain to stop. I get that, you don’t want to get wet . . . but have you ever taken a moment to think? When there’s a few of you standing there, in the doorway, no one else can get in or out of the building?!?!
You’re walking through the store with a pram towards the exit, as you’re leaving, a friend of yours, also with a pram, enters the store . . . It’s great when you bump into an old friend you haven’t seen for a while and you have loads to catch up on, but please remember . . you both have prams, you’ve both stopped in a doorway, how about you exit the building, onto the pavement where everyone else that exists around you can get by?
When the instore marketing, and a member of staff tells you ‘today, you get 40% off everything’, the key word there is ‘EVERYTHING’! So when you start to pick the occasional item up and ask if you get 40% off that item, or this item . . . the answer will always be the same, ‘Yes, you get 40% off everything today’.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of some really pointless complaints. . .
I had to stand and listen to a man for about ten minutes complaining that we ask our customers to queue from the left and not the right . . . Really??
I had a woman make an official complaint against me because I was on my lunch break when she rang to talk to me.
I had a man complain because the zip had broken on his jeans, fair complaint I hear you say . . I thought so too until he told me they were ten years old!!
I also once had a women complain that I was discriminating against her because she wore glasses. . . . I wear glasses!

Some other things that have happened that I will never forget. . .
I’ve had an old lady fart and follow through onto a wooden stool she was sat on, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that!
I’ve also had a women shit herself while trying a pair of jeans on, decided not to tell anyone (which I understand would be embarrassing) and leave the jeans in the fitting room, nice!!
I’ve had a little boy pull his trousers down and decide to piss up the wall, afterwards, his parents helped him pull his trousers up and they just walked off without saying a word.
I’ve had a pregnant women pass out on me, I sat on the floor with her for an hour, she was okay, we spent a lot of the time laughing and joking.
I’ve found a pair of kids trousers in a fitting room, someone had relieved themselves on them. Yes, what you’re thinking right now is correct. That was a stomach churning moment.
I’ve had a junkie women try to touch me up, then say ‘I want you to come and help me out of these trousers, but be careful with me, I’m on my period’ . . . I declined the offer.
I’ve had a man stroke his hand through my hair while I had my back turned, obviously I was distressed by this and asked him what he was doing . . ‘I wanted to know what hair wax you used?’ He replied . . then, he occasionally popped into store to give me a ‘present’, this normally consisted of a half used pot of hair wax with bits of his hair in it.

I have also dealt with loss prevention in three different companies. In that role, you get to deal with the more aggressive customers, I say the word ‘customers’ loosely. I’ve been punched, kicked, pushed around, and threatened. I’ve had a knife pulled on me, and a needle, both were on different occasions, and out of the store. But the worst for me, I’ve had someone spit in my face while mid citizens arrest, who does that? Dirty little fucktard! That’s the only time I’ve lost my cool, and got into a little trouble myself.

So, you think you know retail? These are the kind of situations, and people we get to deal with on a daily basis. And these examples are just a gentle tease. But with ever bad, there’s multiple good moments. .

Once, one of my regular customers knew I wasn’t doing anything for Christmas, she offered me a plate at her table with her family. I will never forget that kind gesture.


1 Comment »

  1. Love this Dan, some good Burtons ones in there 😉 xxx

    Comment by Cat — February 10, 2015 @ 10:59 pm

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